Reader, Writer, Merciless Reviewer and Incurable Romantic
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Now that I've reached the 10% mark, I can honestly say this is a huge disappointment. But I'm going to force myself to finish it. For a reason.
Chapter Two did have some dialogue. Whoo hoo, and hallelujah!
Rosy has now met her neighbour, Matt, who was in fact the "removal man" she had previously met. The overdressed woman is revealed to the reader - but not to Rosy - to be Matt's "pain-in-the-arse" younger sister.
The dialogue between Matt and Rosy is again long monologues without much in the way of stage direction. It reads more like a radio play script. Author Wilson gives a lot of Rosy's emotional reaction - she already has the mega hots for this guy even though she doesn't know if the fashion plate is his wife, girlfriend, or what. What's lacking is the action and description. What can Rosy see of the inside of the house? What is Matt wearing? What does he actually look like other than gorgeous?
And how did Rosy keep from dropping the cake or keep the dog from getting it?
And, how big is the dog?
Later, there's a conversation between Matt and his now-revealed-to-be-sister, Angelina. It's more of those long paragraphs of monologue, without narrative to describe what the characters are doing.
For example, Angelina flicks a pistachio shell across a counter. I pictured her standing at the counter in a kind of petulant lean, though there's nothing to suggest that. After I had formed this mental image, Angelina stands up and gives Matt a big hug.
Well, duh, what was she sitting on? A stool? A chair? A step ladder?
The hug never ends. Matt blinks and Angelina nods, but neither of them exits the sibling embrace.
Then the dog jumps onto Matt's lap.
Except, of course, Matt never sat down. He's still hugging Angelina.
If Kitty Wilson had ever been in a critique group with me, she'd have left with half a Bic's worth of red ink on her manuscript.
But maybe I'm the only one who ever notices shit like this? Am I just a mean, rotten, nitpicky bitch?